Struggling JACK SANDERS runs the kitchen of a popular LA eatery named Dino’s with his immigrant Sous-Chef TONY. Lousy when it comes to responsibility and even worse managing money, Jack always seem to think good fortune is right around the corner. His girlfriend DIANE BLAINE is an actress with laughable credits, waiting for the big break that may never come. She has an agent named HATTIE who sends her out on auditions for African-American roles (“Yes, we all know you’re white but people in this town don’t know what they want!”).
Not only does she deal with constant rejection, Diane’s biggest roadblock is the fact that she looks very much like B-movie star-turned-tabloid queen JAMIE STEPHENS, and for one reason or another, this resemblance has more often than not prevented her from landing roles.
Aside from her agent, Diane’s next best connection is a loyal customer to Dino’s who she has befriended over the years film producer SID BLAUSTEIN. Problem is, he produces porn films and is considered a legend throughout the entire adult industry. Growing weary of the business tired of living alone due to Jack’s consistent inability to come up with his share for a house in a development they both love (Jack lives rent free taking care of his mother in the same two bedroom apartment he grew up in).
Meanwhile, the restaurant’s just been bought by the hot shot son of a major talent Agent JEAN-LUC MARCEAU. He knows nothing about running a restaurant but has eyes for Diane and Jack knows it. Now, more insecure than ever (he’s irrationally jealous) Jack always looking for the “quick fix” decides to take out a line of credit (50,000.00) put it all on one hand of black jack, win, return the cash and get that down payment for the house. In typical Jack fashion he bypasses the legal way and decides to become FOSTER WHELAN, Alpaca farmer from Australia and borrow it from GENO SCARPACI the well known mob boss of the Scarpaci family and owner of and underground casino where Jack plans to play his hand. Desperate to save “the greatest dish god ever created” he plays the hand and in ten seconds loses. Jack proceeds to run out their faster than an order of Tony’s sunny side eggs.
Attempting to collect, Geno spies a picture of Jack with Diane and mistakes her for Jamie. Jack, runs with this and says it is indeed Jamie, a present day train-wreck whose last television appearance doing “So Late night it’s morning with HARVEY HARRISON” went less than perfect, to say the least. She is the epitome of today’s celebrity run amok, fresh from rehab, slurring her words and belligerent. Geno nevertheless is dying to meet her.
So he offers Jack a possible out: Set up a date with Jamie Stevens and all debts are paid. His tail tucked between his legs and failing to put any bright side on the situation, Diane puts Jack’s sanity in question, “are you insane? One hour before my third callback and you tell me this? Somehow touched that he has gone to such lengths to secure them some sort of future she agrees.
In the end, it will take a porn-maker, a disgruntled TV host, and a film Director to save the day. And what is Hollywood if not the land of porn-makers, disgruntled TV stars, directors, and the mob?
Production Crew
Executive Producer: Mike Dolan
Executive Producer: Ben Barton
Producer: Henry Boger
Producer:Brian Hartman
Producer: Alexander Tabrizi
Producer: Mary Aloe
Co-Producer: John O. Hartman
Co-Producer: Christie Will
Co-Producer: John Farley
Cast (in talks)
Diane: Nicky Whelan
Jack: Chris Kattan
Geno: Chazz Palminteri
Jean-Luc: Jeremy London
Sid: Norm MacDonald
Hattie: Leslie Easterbrook
Harvey: David Spade
Bruno: Kevin Farley
Joey: John Farley
Tony: Horatio Sanz
Jackie: Vivica Fox
Guest: Pamela Anderson
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